Band Names #2: The ones that didn’t quite make it

I have a huge list of names for possible bands featured, or referred to, throughout ‘Screaming In Public’, and used a system of ringing round the taken ones when I picked them so as to keep track. Many were not used, and – looking at them now – I can see why.

Here are some of the more whimsical misses for you…

Engel’s Ghost: My friend Michelle came up with this one, we were discussing poor old Fred and his hard graft in the mills of Lancashire to finance his pal Marx, leading to the surreal theory that Engel’s Ghost was still trudging around Manchester somewhere. If they were a real band, they’d probably wear dark overcoats and scowl a lot, and be very gothy and Joy Division ish.

The Damsels: Kind of like the Mediaevael Baebes, but not so well known…

Broadcast News: Probably a pseudo ironic electro type band in cheap poly cotton shirts and bri nylon suits. Would like to be The Kaiser Chiefs, but probably sound like a bad Heaven 17 tribute band.

Bhangra Bitches: Dreadful, this one… I think I was listening to a lot of Friction and Nihal, but I doubt that is any excuse as they certainly never played anything with so crude a name. I see them as sort of a bhangra/crasion/desi/hip hop all girl fusion act. After the first few records, their management or label will probably take them to one side and make them change the name to something boring and rubbish but less dreadful.

The Hairdressers: Like The Waitresses, but not as good.

Vamped-Up Virgins: Taken directly from a Victorian newspaper headline this one. I found it in a library book on old fashioned newspaper scandals. This one referred to Victorian brothels I think. Bandwise, probably the natural heirs to the Pussycat Dolls.

Incendiary Blonde: Think this was in the list with Titanium Rose, not sure. I wanted two things that didn’t go together. This lot would either be one of those oddly named but bland indie bands or a Hole tribute band.

The Lullabites: I really liked this one, but it didn’t fit any of the bands and characters I was writing about. They would probably be a gothy band, but more in the Rasputina line, probably the type of band who used to be featured on the Buffy soundtrack CD’s, who then graduated to the Blair Witch soundtracks, and are now putting in time on Twilight.

Barbara and the Bra-wires: Came out of the intense fashion for increasingly whimsical ‘and the…’ names in the real music world. I thought Poppy and the Jezebels was so ridiculous that I had to try and top it somehow, but I think the (not a band actually) excellently named Lola and the Cartwheels beat me to it… They would probably be a scuzzy guitar band with an interest in disco and spandex.

The Fighting Biting Girls: Another headline! This time I think it was a subheading in the Radio Times, for a programme about girl gangs… They would probably be a grime act, or else be worshipping So Solid Crew way too much.


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